Yarak for the Chase or for Different?

 Yarak - From the book, The Hawk's Way, by Sy Montgomery

In falconry, "Yarak is something central to the psyche of a bird of prey", specifically the urge to hunt...  It is a drive, a desire that must be met.  "It is the bird of prey's greatest earthly pleasure and its deepest frustration, twined tight.  Frightening and beautiful, yarak is rapture and longing, love and death married in one timeless moment.  If the eye is the mind of the raptor, then yarak is its wild soul.  Yarak is wildness incarnate - dangerous and delicious and pure.  

Another word in falconry is venery, it is defined as "The art, act or practice of hunting."

"A second meaning, however, is listed in the American Heritage  Dictionary.  as the indulgence in or pursuit of sexual pleasure.  The word is rooted  in the Roman goddess Venus, whose name meant desire or love."

In each case, in falconry, when the bird is denied a hunt, it becomes enormously frustrated and can aggressively strike out even at it's falconer - clawing into flesh in a rage:

"Indy exploded. 'It was as sudden as a windstorm,' Nancy said.  Without warning, the bird screamed at her and flew at her face with his talons.  He hit so hard she felt he been punched in the mouth.  He sliced her so deeply that fifteen ears later, you can still see the scar; a thin while line running from her nostril to her upper lip."

I am struck by both these terms and their raw, instinctive, passionate energy.   I immediately felt that these were aspects of humanity we have sacrificed in the name of evolution, religion, industrialization progress.  And, let's not leave out: porn, social media, fast food and quick fixes for any and everything.

In the book, Smoke, the falconer's female hawk, was in danger of being a meal for a male redtail hawk in their hunting area.  Sy describes it like this:  "Nancy [the falconer] wants to call Smoke to her glove, where she'll be safe.  She takes a chicken leg from her pocket and holds it up to call her.  But Smoke isn't hungry for food;  she's hungry for chase.  She is ruled by yarak. She keeps her eye on the dog [who "points" at prey as dog and falcon hunt together.] 

"There is no willpower, no mind over matter, there is no internal dialogue, considerations of social or political correctness.  There is no consideration of the dependance Smoke has on Nancy.  There is only the chase, the hunt, the process.  It is self-less, selfish and undeniable.  The hawk will hunt even if in doing so, he is hunted and killed. " 

I am not aware of having felt such a sense of focused energy in a chase but I most definitely  am aware of two times in my life when I have experienced something close to such a primordial undeniable inconsequential passion of process and one was in childbirth.  As I write that, I imagine that it is in a yarak-like focus that a fetus must go into as it begins it's journey into the world - even at it's own possible peril.  

I understand now my second experience would define how, in a matter of moments, after yet another massive mismatch between my husband and I, I was propelled to a single minded focus of mental, emotional and physical energy to pack a bag - gasping for, chasing air, space, freedom, separation.  There were no consequences, no options, no voices of reason, balance or even the ever present inner critic to contend with.  

I have spent most of the past two years since that night, feeling deep shame for "leaving". Now, I understand that it was a blind & raw courage to leave the painfully, brutally insufficient illusion of security, safety & family to chase the longing for or hope for something more real, different... at my own peril.  My actions, while not any source of outright pleasure,definitely were borne out of deep frustration, loneliness and grief.  Yet, 

My actions, while not a source of outright pleasure, in retrospect, I would have to admit, there was pleasure in knowing I would no longer have to routinely live outside my Truth, hopes and dreams.

"It is the bird of prey's greatest earthly pleasure and its deepest frustration, twined tight.  Frightening and beautiful, yarak is rapture and longing, love and death married in one timeless moment."